The Value of Friendship

As the saying goes, “No man is an island.”  We all need to connect with other people to fully give meaning to our lives. There are certain relationships that we go through as we grow up.  Our first relationships are with our parents. With good parenting, trust and love are developed within a person. This becomes evident as we go out into the world and relate to other people. We also develop relationships with our siblings and peers. Through our interactions and games, we learn to communicate and co-exist with others of the same age. But as we grow older, we develop closeness to certain people.  These are what we call our “friends.”

A Group of Friends

Having a clique or a group of friends is healthy because you get to grow and learn things together.  You also have a group to belong to and relate your experiences with.  Parents may not fully understand what you are going through, but your friends will always relate to you because they are going through the very same things. These are also the people who will fight for you when you are in trouble. They are the people who will tell you if you are doing something wrong and try to correct you even if it makes you mad. A good group of friends are the ones who make you a better person. These people should care about you and wish for you what is best for you. A group of friends who constantly get you into trouble are not real friends.

Your Best Friend

Even if you belong to a group of friends, there will always be that one person you trust and care for the most.  You do not necessarily need to have romantic feelings for the person, although there are times when best friends end up falling in love with each other. A best friend is that one person who listens to your problems and makes sacrifices for your sake.  He or she is your shoulder to cry on and your defender from your oppressors. This person is someone who will believe in you and stand by you every step of the way.  To have a loyal friend like that is a rare find. You should value your friendship by being a good friend as well.

The Bonds That Last

Friends do not have to always be together to remain friends.  There are times good friends are separated for years, but when they meet again, they feel as close to each other as they used to when they were younger. Real friendships last a lifetime. And even though they get busy with their own families, love life, or work, all it takes is a reunion to rekindle all the happy memories and make new ones in the process.

Friendship is Stronger Than Love

I always say, relationships that start with friendship last longer than romantic relationships that did not start with friendship. It may be hard to understand how a friendship can be stronger than love. But the fact that more friendships last longer than any marriage speaks for itself. With friendship, there is a deeper sense of acceptance and understanding without the jealousy and the lust that comes with a romantic relationship. When love fails, a couple can hold on to their friendship and save their relationship.

A Good Friend

To be a good friend does not have to mean you have to sacrifice an eye or a limb to prove your loyalty.  Being a good friend doesn’t mean you always have ready advice to give.  You don’t have to always understand what your friend is going through.  You do not have superpowers to make all their problems go away. But what is great about a good friend is that when you need him or her, they come to your side and listen.  A good friend is always willing to be there when you need them. And having someone by your side during the lowest points of your life is very important.  That is the true value and essence of friendship.

10 benefits of friendship

Consider the most meaningful and fulfilling moments in your life. Do they have friendships running through them?

Through my life, every meaningful moment has been either a direct or indirect result of friendship.

I’ve told you that before, but I’d like to share why. This is a general list – I haven’t included specific examples of how each played out in my life. I hope this just gives you a glimpse into why I’m enthusiastic about making friends and developing deep connections with those around me… and why I encourage you to do the same.

1. Hanging out together

Studies show that hanging out with friends may reduce the risk of loneliness. 

Sure, many prefer solitude over socializing, but no one prefers loneliness. You want to know and feel that others care about you. Friends care, but it all starts with hanging out, just beingthere.

How are you hanging out?

2. Learning to communicate

The more I hang out with friends, the easier it is for me to open up. In general, that’s probably true for you too. When you and I stop hanging out with others, we tend to retreat into our shells even more. We begin to forget the benefits of open communication and focus only on the fear.

Staying in near-constant contact, though, keeps us in practice.

How are you communicating?

3. Sharing ideas

Once the communication starts flowing, you end up trading ideas. Your friends can often tell you how reasonable your ideas are, or what you might need to do to rework them. That feedback then can help direct how you act on those ideas and how you set your goals. And your feedback can do the same for your friend.

How are you sharing ideas?

4. Building accountability

Ideas are worthless if you never act on them. One of the best ways to get that action going is to create goals around them and share those goals with your friends. Friends force you to actually work toward your goals.

That accountability only works, though, if you and your friend are willing to share with one another and call each other out when one’s going the wrong way. Otherwise, accountability is a charade.

How are you staying accountable?

5. Sharing stuff

Back when neighbors were neighbors, we used to share things… liberally. No one had a problem lending out a wheelbarrow. And perhaps more interestingly, no one had a problem asking to borrow that wheelbarrow either. Now, we know our neighbors enough to not trust them but not enough to trust them regardless.

When you and I build accountability back into our relationships, the opportunity to lend and give freely opens up, not because we have leverage to “get back” at our friends if they trash our stuff but because we care enough about them to share no matter what.

How are you sharing stuff?

6. Sharing friends

Some friends are wonderful just because of the other friends you make through them. Know what I mean?

On Facebook, I’ve set up lists to group my friends to keep up with them better. Most of the lists revolve around a location or organization, like church or college, but a couple of those groups center almost completely around a particular friend. After meeting that one person, I was exposed to all the others who eventually became my friends.

Not everyone can be that person, but most have at least a couple friends to share. Numbers aren’t as important as the deepness of the connections. I certainly love sharing friends (both on the giving and receiving end) better than sharing other stuff.

How are you sharing friends?

7. Learning new skills

As your connections grow, your friends will begin to teach you skills you never would have pursued or, in some cases, never even known about. One example that comes to mind for me is yo-yoing. A friend got into yo-yoing, so I followed along. The skills can be much more profound than yo-yoing, though.

How are you learning and teaching new skills?

8. Inspiring one another

Skills are tactics. They’re detailed, but usually fairly low-level actions. Inspiration is strategy. It changes how you live, not just how you act. Inspiration is where you go from learning yo-yo tricks to overhauling your career course to pursue professional entertainment.

Inspiration is hard to pinpoint, which is why we’re usually inspired by the lives of people we admire rather than their teachings. As friends influence one another through their specific ideas and skills, inspiration starts to form. We see the combination of all the details in a friend’s life and decide we want to imitate part of it. That’s when our overall, life strategies change.

How are being inspired… how are you inspiring?

9. Discipling one another

Inspiration only goes so far. From there we have to return to tactics, but this time we apply the tactics through a completely different lens. Once friends align at least some of their overall beliefs, they can feed off each other, teaching one another the details of life through a particular lens.

Christianity is a perfect example. When friends decide to submit to Christ’s leadership, they can share advice back and forth along their walk. I believe this is the most effective form of discipleship… the form Jesus commissioned.

How are you discipling?

10. Encouraging one another

For most of us, encouragement is what we need now. You and I don’t need new information – we need the courage to follow-through with what we already know. We need the courage to get back up after we fall down.

Friends give us that encouragement. Beyond simple companionship or instruction or inspiration, we need friends we relate to, care about, and as a result give us a reason to continue forward.

“Friendship is born in that moment when one person says to another, ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one.’ ” -C. S. Lewis

What makes a good friend?

Having good friends is really important to your happiness. Figure out the signs of a good friend, and learn tips for how to be there for your friend when they need it.

Why good friends are so important

A lot of research has been done looking into the benefits of friendship, and the research has found exactly what you might expect. It turns out that the better quality relationships you have; the more likely you are to be happy. Therefore it’s good for your happiness to be a great friend to someone and to have a group of good friends supporting you. But it can be hard to pinpoint exactly what makes a good friend. 

Signs of a good friend

Friends will come and go in your life, but more important than how long a friendship lasts, is that a good friend will love you for who you are. The way you can tell the sign of a good friend is by looking at the actions they take –big and small – that show they care.

Some common signs of a good friend include 

• someone who will support you no matter what
• someone you can trust and who won’t judge you
• someone who won’t put you down or deliberately hurt your feelings
• someone who is kind and has respect for you
• someone who will love you because they choose to, not because they feel like they should
• someone whose company you enjoy
• showing loyalty
• being trustworthy and willing to tell you the truth, even when it’s hard
• someone who can laugh when you do
• someone who is willing to stick around when things get tough
• someone who makes you smile
• someone who is there to listen
• someone who will cry when you cry.

How to be a good friend

If you want to do all or many of the things listed above for someone you care about, you’re already a good friend. It’s also common though, to not know exactly what to do or say to be there for someone. Some practical things you can do to be there for a friend include:

Listen. 

Listening is so important not to underestimate, but it can be hard to do. The best way to listen is to try and understand the situation from your friends’ point of view. If you aim to do this, you’ll naturally find yourself beginning to ask the right sort of questions and they will appreciate having someone who really cares about how they feel and what they’re going through. You don’t have to have all the answers, and you shouldn't assume your friend wants advice – they might just want to talk so that they can work out what they’re going to do themselves.

Ask them what they need.

If you’re worried about someone and you want to be there for them, just ask them what they need- that way you know what they find helpful during tough times, and you can be there in a way that’s most useful to them.

Get physical.

 Smiles and hugs are a great way to show friends that they’re not alone, that you’re there for them, and that they are important.

Keep in touch. 

Even if you guys aren't nearby each other, making an effort to keep in touch through Facebook, emails, texts and calls will show your friend you are there for them.

Tell them how you feel. 

You don’t have to make a big deal of it all the time but sometimes there are moments where letting someone know that they’re important to you through something you say, can make a big difference to how someone is feeling.

Get the facts.

 If your friend has a medical condition, or a mental health issue, a good way to offer support is to learn about what they've been diagnosed with. Taking an interest in what they’re going through shows that you care, and that you’re planning to stick around no matter what’s going on.

Be willing to make a tough call. 

If you think the safety of your friend is at risk, you might need to act without their consent and get help (see the sidebar for where you can seek help). It can be a hard choice particularly when you’re worried about their reaction, but remember that you are acting because you care and you don’t want them to be hurt.